"Hell is paved with good intentions." - Cicero

Tuesday, February 28, 2006

Shrove/Fat Tuesday

"I don't care what people are saying Uptown or wherever they are. This city will be chocolate at the end of the day."
- Ray Nagin (Mayor of New Orleans)

Shrove Tuesday is not just about eating pączki. Shrove Tuesday is actually a celebration of fat people everywhere. Now, I know that fat people have a certain stigma in society today, but being fat can be one of the most uplifting experiences of a lifetime.

Technically, anyone who has extra flab is fat. It's that simple. Now, being comfortable with that is what's important. Many people in the world today are overweight and go into deep depression because of it. Why not lose weight? Your appearence, like it or not, defines who you are. It defines what you are comfortable with. People can change their appearences to suit whatever they need, so being depressed about your appearence and not using it as a fulcrum to change your life is truly something to be sad about.

Shrove Tuesday is a celebration of being comfortable with yourself. Never mind its theological and historical significance. Shrove Tuesday, just like all other holidays in this country, has been commercialized to the point where its meaning has changed. Just like how Christmas was a celebration of the birth of Christ—now it's a celebration of charity. Shrove Tuesday has taken on a bigger meaning.

Shrove Tuesday is not just about pączki, either. Pączki are just one of the traditions carried over from the holiday's old ways. The same relationship applies to Christmas and the Christmas Tree; does everyone celebrate with this tradition? No, of course not. You can eat whatever you want on Shrove Tuesday, just as long as you're comfortable with it. The point is to be aware of being comfortable with yourself. That's the true meaning of Shrove Tuesday.

With this in mind, I leave you with one final thought:

Monday, February 27, 2006

My Voice is Gay

“My sore throats are always worse than anyone's.”
- Jane Austen

So I got my cell phone back, not that anyone gives a shit. I tried using this AudioBlogger thing to post a message. The cell phone is so shitty it sounds like I'm talking under water. I'm going to get a new one eventually. I think I have a cold. The back of my throat hurts like a bitch. Hence, the Jane Austen quote. So now, if anyone calls me, never fear—I'll be on the other line. Unless you're really fucking scared of me or something. In that case, I suggest you seek professional help. That's like being afraid of Kleenex®.

this is an audio post - click to play

Sunday, February 26, 2006

Satire at Its Finest

“Detroit turned out to be heaven, but it also turned out to be hell.”
- Marvin Gaye

So apparently, Kwame Kilpatrick won the Michigan election for mayor by votes cast by dead people. I guess Kilpatrick's campaign moved people so much that they literally rose from the grave to vote for him. Never mind that he drove a vastly expensive car (several of them, to be precsie) on the city's expense! Never mind that he gave Detroit teachers a party costing hundreds of thousands (to the city, of course) for no reason at all! Those aren't the important facts!

He's got a cool name. That's what matters. Like Kunta Kinte. Let's face it, who wants a mayor named Hendrix? I mean, that an overused name. We've heard that before. We need something new, something fresh. Kwame Kilpatrick. Rolls off the tounge, doesn't it?

Personally I don't care for Kwame Kilpatrick. I'm sorry, but anyone who puts a grossly oversized diamond in their ear for the sheer purpose of looking cool just pisses me off. Send that money to a fucking charity or something. You don't need to be a fucking douchebag. You might as well put a massive platinum grill in your mouth.

Friday, February 24, 2006

My New Favorite Book

"Behold the turtle. He makes progress only when he sticks his neck out."
- James Bryant Conant

I'm only about a sixth of a way through Timothy; or, Notes of an Abject Reptile, and I consider it one of the best books I've read in years. It completely trumps anything written by Chuck Palahniuk.

The book is written from the point of view of a tortoise from the 18th century, living in the garden of an English curate, Gilbert White. The tortoise is named Timothy, obviously. What's very interesting is Timothy's view on humanity, questioning their fundamental instincts.

At one point, he asks about what would happen if he spoke to Mrs. White while she is petting his shell (focusing mainly on her interrupting his daily meditations in the foliage. The point of this fantastic interaction is that it's not impossible; Timothy merely chooses not to speak to people. The question this book poses to mankind is the thing that is always overlooked (especially in metaphysics): "Why not?"

Why not, indeed! Why can't tortoises share their wisdom with us? Everything is possible! Since humans thrive on conflict, we decidedly make things impossible. Timothy cynically shares his philosophy with us in this brilliant novel. I highly recommend it to anyone who can find it in themselves to stop rushing about and adopt the composure of the animal that time forgot.

Timothy; or, Notes of an Abject Reptile
by Verlyn Klinkenborg is availible in major booksellers around the country. The price is $16.95 USD and it's money well-spent.

Wednesday, February 22, 2006

First Post

"Hell is paved with infants' skulls."
- Richard Baxter

Isn't it incredible how I've had an account since May 2005, yet this is the first post I've ever submitted? Miraculous. Anyways, I figure since I made a new blog, why not have a new format? I'm now going to head begin all of my posts with a good quote. A quote you should live by. A quote that makes you say: "Holy shit, I hate myself."

If you're going to hate yourself, you might as well enjoy it. Personally, I don't hate myself. I love myself. Why do I love myself, you might ask? Well, it's because I'm better than you. Honestly, give me one valid reason why I'm not. Whoops! You can't! Why? Because I'm better than you!

I hope you enjoy what I have to say here. What am I saying? I don't really give a shit. In fact, no one's probably even going to read this. If I gave you the link, you still wouldn't go. Why? Because you're a piece of shit. I hope you babies are stillborn. Just kidding. To sum up the point of this post: I'm back, bitches.


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